


The Wisdom of Baron Klaus

by songwithnosoul



Category: Girl Genius
Genre: Deeply silly, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5929510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songwithnosoul/pseuds/songwithnosoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Baron has a very simple policy for governing Sparks in his territory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wisdom of Baron Klaus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Para](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Para/gifts).



> This was inspired entirely by [this](http://firecoloredwater.tumblr.com/post/138731289176/my-school-likes-to-put-a-lot-of-things-were) Tumblr post [Para](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Para/pseuds/Para) made, and the attached Girl Genius tag.

It was just an idea at first: machines powered by cow dung. If it could power the growth of plants, it could surely power clanks! There were more than enough farms in the Duchess’s territory from which to gather the raw materials, which were just going to waste in the fields anyway. Burning it seemed like such a wasteful possibility, though… surely there had to be another way? Soon she hit upon the idea of bio-mechanical integration! Yes! Using only fertilizer and _the power of the sun_ , she would justify that degree in botany and _wipe her nay-sayers off the map!_

The integration turned out well enough, but the clanks needed more fuel than she had anticipated, so she got her own cows. Since she already had them, she decided to modify the animals to better suit her needs. She made them bigger, of course, so as to produce more fuel. And why not make them battle-ready? Sure, the fangs and acid spit led to the occasional casualty, but the cows needed to eat anyway and that’s what peasants are for. The Duchess found that she enjoyed the looks on her neighbours’ faces when she invaded their lands riding an armoured steer.

The Duchess was only on her second county when she was alerted by a minion that the Baron’s forces were coming. She just laughed, because _even the Baron’s forces cannot withstand the power of her anti-airship death rays!_

Unfortunately, the day was cloudy.

With a platoon of Jägermonsters plowing through her forces and her minions either having vanished or been eaten, the Duchess had to endure the indignity of shoveling the fuel herself. But that little airship which was foolish enough to fly down into her airspace was the perfect target! She would _show them all_ yet!

The explosion knocked her off her feet and put stars in her eyes. When her vision cleared to the sight of her beautiful clank topiary burning she hefted the loaded shovel and looked for the one _who would dare do such a thing!_ There was the airship, hovering low to the ground, and hanging from a ladder underneath it was Baron Wulfenbach, death ray in hand. His proclamation cut through the chaos of the battlefield:

“Stop that. No bullshit.”


End file.
